At the end of June my family got invited to a get together at our friend's home that just so happened to be 45 minutes from ours. Pizza, beer on tap, and a pool, come as you are. Naturally, we were all for it! I packed my 2.5 yo daughter's bathing suit and my husband's and decided to leave mine and our 5 month old's at home. Mine was my maternity one from the previous year so it hung on me. I wasn't about to go out in that and I still haven't bought a new one for this year....
BAD IDEA!
Why? Well, once we got there we were told that once the majority of people left it would be just a few couples and we would be swimming and relaxing while kids went to bed. Darn it! I had no suit! And I wasn't about to drive an hour and a half just for a bathing suit.
So.... husband said go to Wal-Mart and buy a new one. Simple enough. So I grabbed 2 of my friends and off we went to get me a bathing suit.
BAD IDEA!
This was my "A-ha!" moment. The moment when I realized I had gotten bad. REALLY bad.
We went to the swimsuits and there were so many cute ones. But I knew that a majority of them would never work.
Bikini? With this stomach? Hell no.
One piece? Hahahahaha! How was I supposed to get the rolls into that?
Two piece? Sounds legit! Get a few sizes and lets go!
BAD IDEA!
I quite literally tried on 10 tops and 3 bottoms. The largest sizes they had (18, by the way. I am being TOTALLY honest in this blog about my weight!) and I couldn't fit. WAL-MART, people! I couldn't fit into Wal-Mart bathing suits. Of course it didn't help that the majority of the tops were designed with no boob ladies in mind and I have been blessed (cursed?) with large Big Bertha's. And breast feeding has made them go to a 42FF (yes, you read that correctly!)
So I did what any sane woman would do at that moment.
I cried.
Not a beating-my-chest-and-wailing cry, but a sit-down-and-tear-up cry. I have never, in all my life, not been able to fit into a bathing suit from Wal-Mart. Ever. And here I was, postpartum from baby #2 and more depressed about my weight than I had ever been in my life.
I had already done one Beachbody 10 Day Challenge in April and lost a few pounds, but I was (*ahem* am) still wearing maternity clothes and tanks to hide the rolls. I had already decided to become a coach as well, but more for the advantages it would give me to get access to the support I need to get to my goal.
But that bathing suit..... that showed every failing I have made over the past 6 years that got me to where I am today. That was my breaking point. I remember getting into the car with my husband to go home later and telling him I was done, I never wanted to feel like that again and that I really needed to do this for me, for him, for our family. If I didn't I was going to fall apart with self-loathing.
And bless his heart, he not only supported me 100%, he threw in "you get it and we will do it together." (Can I just say I love this man?!)
So here I am. Being completely honest with you. I am obese. I weigh in at 230lbs (226 on a good day). I will be posting my before pictures (yikes!), body measurements, and more in the next post. And I plan to keep you all updated on my journey over the next few months as I change myself, both physically and mentally. I will be honest. I will tell you when I have cheated and fallen off the bandwagon, when I failed to complete a workout, when I realized I am only human. And then I will pick myself up and keep on going. Because failure is no longer and option!
This is why I am doing Beachbody.
---Never give up, never surrender!---
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